I'm Fine But —"

"What do you do?", new people I meet will ask me. "I'm a designer and book author", I tell them. Yes, a designer AND author. Pretty ironic though that this author hasn't been able to write anything for the past two years. Not even a single page. I even struggle in writing a blog post nowadays. I told this to my husband the other day and he said to me, "just write whatever is in your head at the moment". Ah, yes. How could I have forgotten that. Perhaps I have been asleep for too long. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm fine", I will most often reply with a smile. I'm fine, I really am. I just like to omit the second sentence which is supposed to follow, which actually depicts more of the reality. 

 "I'm fine. But, my life is complicated". 

My life is complicated. I just don't tell people. I want to be honest with you. Having an autistic child is not easy. It's far from easy. It's like having the stress and exhaustion of raising a toddler, but multiplied by 10. Just multiply everything by 10; patience, strength, effort, time, energy. As a family, our dynamics are completely different. Our routine is different. We cannot do what other families do. We do what other families don't do. When it's summer and everyone heads to the beach, we go to the mountains because we will always look for a place where no one is around. It's a quiet life far from others, but very noisy within our very own. Our son is very loud, always screaming. And so I learn to be quiet, to balance the noise. Our son turned 7 this year, and yet we still do the exact same things since 5 years ago. He still eats the same food, watches the same cartoon, likes the same toys, and for us parents, we relive these moments every single day like a loop. It's very repetitive. I wish there was a "Stop" and "Next" button in our lives, but there isn't. So I learn to accept that this is my story. Our story. 

As our son's screaming becomes louder day by day, the noise in my head has too. The volume levels are just so high my head hurts. They say it takes a village to raise a child. But where is that village? I don't see it. I am certainly not in it. In this whole wide world, there are only two family members who actually care, support and help us in dealing with our life-with-autism struggles. Said two people are my own mom and dad. The others just look at us, as if their stares help moreover make us feel any better. There is no village. It's a very small circle. The definition of 'family' has been redefined in my head.

My life is complicated, but I'm fine. I have learned to compartmentalise the things in life so one does not affect the other. I don't let our complications affect me in being me. I'm still my old cheerful self who loves life. I still get up excited for Mondays (new week woohoo!), I still get dressed, I still work, I still create, I am still grateful for all of it. I am learning to untangle this tangled ball of yarn that is my head, and perhaps writing can help. Just remember: never let your struggles defeat you. 

Hello, November.

Here we are. November. Many countries are now in their second lockdown. We all thought it was going to end in June, or September, but nope. 

How am I? I feel terribly homesick. I feel worried about my parents to my bones. I feel stuck. I feel trapped in a place where it's actually home but there's another place that feels more like home and I want to be there rather than here.

To be there, not here. Doesn't that sound ungrateful though? Because truthfully, you are always where you ought to belong. You are destined to be here wherever 'here' is. Here is a destiny. You just need to see it and make the most out of it.

75% Completed - or Pending?

In a week, it will be October already. As much as I try, we try, to be positive and carry on with our lives in this 'new normal', I don't think we can deny that 2020 has been extremely tough. I question myself everyday, "where is this all heading to?". A lot of our lives have suddenly been flipped upside down, leaving us feeling drowning, trying to keep afloat with whatever we have, whatever we can. Like swimming against the current, it is exhausting, worrying, depressing. What do we do then? I don't know for sure. All I know is to tackle all this one day at a time and be grateful for the smallest things in life.

Is Social Media Toxic? I Don't Think So.

If you feel like you need a break from social media, or as they say, a "social media detox", maybe...maybe you're simply following the wrong accounts. In my opinion, your feed should be your mood booster, your daily source of inspirations. Instagram-ing should be that time where you get to scroll and smile and feel "oh wow that's awesome" and motivate you to do or feel great afterwards. 

In order to do this, I highly suggest you to follow accounts that showcase their work, NOT their looks or latest purchases or which fancy hotel they are currently at. Follow "ideas" so you feel inspired, not "somebody's life" that leaves you feeling jealous or left out or eager wanting to keep up. 

If you're into fitness, follow accounts that make you feel like you want to move and exercise because it will make you feel happy and good about yourself, not a fitness account that makes you feel like you need to have that perfect peachy butt. The goal is to be healthy and fit, not necessarily toned with flat abs and a thigh gap. This is the difference. We do not need to fall into the trap that a "great body" is a body that is _____. Embrace your own body. Stay active to be healthy. Do not be obsessed with a certain look or body weight. 

If you're into fashion, follow accounts that make you understand that style is personal and fashion should make you feel empowered. Understand that one does NOT need to keep up with the fast pace of fashion influencers always having the latest 'it' bags. It is an illusion, a competition you do not need to participate in. Here's an example why: many fashion influencers often share photos of them with new designer bags regardless these bags were gifted to them or borrowed. Imagine an actual follower wanting to always keep up with their favorite influencer, said follower would actually spend $1,500 for that bag. Ironically, the actual influencer didn't even own / buy that bag, they just took pictures with it as photo props. It's nobody's fault, of course. But while fashion influencers keep sharing new #OOTDs that make you want to buy what they are wearing, they are not spending a dime. In contrary, a follower might end up spending all their salary for the things they see on social media trying to replicate somebody else's feed. So stop. Buy the things YOU actually love. Shop smarter. Browse an actual shop yourself and see which products truly make you fall in love. Buy something because it sparks joy in YOU, not because somebody on Instagram was wearing it.

If you're into traveling, I suggest following a certain #hashtag compared to following a traveling influencer. Sometimes, we get caught up with the person instead of the actual place. Instead of thinking "oh what a beautiful island, I need to save up to visit that place soon", as human beings we often end up thinking "oh she's there and she's taking great photos there, I need to do that too", which basically means you're missing the point of traveling. Traveling should be about the place or the experience, not another bucket list competition because of your #FOMO with other people. By following a certain #hashtag like #waterfall or #lavenderfield, you're putting the emphasis on the place, not the person. 

I've been following only artists, designers, brands that I love so much and news / media accounts, and my Instagram is actually my happy place because I like what I see.

The Sun is Shining Bright

A reminder to do things in life because they make you happy. Do them with joy. Find joy in doing what you love. Don't dwell in numbers, don't be obsessed with results. You are not in a competition. Other people are not your competitors. Have fun. Learn from the process, learn from failures, enjoy your own pace, enjoy your own growth. Within your journey, do not forget to be kind..to yourself and to others. Life's short. Have lots of love inside you. ❤️

6 Months in 2020 Gone Already

Errrr...hello, July. I honestly wasn't expecting to see you so soon. Half a year is gone already, with most of us all still in lockdown, staying safe by staying at home. And it's not getting easier, isn't it? New issues keep arising, challenges are getting harder, but on another end, this year has been revolutionary too. 2020 is the year of awakening for a lot of us, where we were suddenly forced to adapt, learn new things, toughen up, confront our own anxieties, rediscover old hobbies, heal broken relationships, and little do we realize, things are actually getting better, just in a very different way. 2020 is definitely a year to remember, a beginning of a decade that I hope will make us much, much stronger.

Dear, Blog. I Love You.

Good evening, blog. Diana here. It's been a while, heh? Instagram took more of my time and attention I kinda neglected you. I apologize. I should never forget you because you, yes you, you were the one who was there for me since the early times - times when I was still discovering myself, when I was still soul-searching, times when I was still lost and still unsure on what I wanted to do in this life. You were my only friend who would listen to me, allowed me to write anything I wanted to without judging me. So thank you, dear blog. Thank you for growing with me..together.

This year this blog celebrates its 13th anniversary. Wow. Isn't this amazing? We have been bestfriends for 13 years already, hopefully for forever. When I started 'you', I was still in university doing my Masters. I met S at at that time. We were still dating. And today we have been married for 9 years already. We have 2 kids. Wow. Time flies so fast, just like that, and yet when I look at my old posts and old #OOTDs, I smile because I feel like I never changed. I'm still that crazy colorful girl who likes to experiment in clothes and do DIYs and I guess I love the fact that I never lost my identity. "Motherhood will change you", they say. But I don't feel that way. I'm still that crazy colorful girl who just happens to have two new little bestfriends in her life. I'm not good at being a mother, I think. I feel lost sometimes. But what if a "mother" is just a label? And what if in reality, I just want to be my children's best friend? Like we are. I want to be the kind of friend to my children who basically listens to each other, who grows together, who learns from each other, and just have fun and probably cry together - with no judgement. Just pure love and support. And empowerment and encouragement.

Oh, blog. You have no idea. It's been a crazy ride. My dreams have changed. My thinking about life has changed. I no longer desire to be that ambitious businesswoman I have always thought I was going to be. I have learned that the world is a better place when things are kept smaller, so that everyone gets equal opportunities to create and support each other, and most importantly, when we don't keep taking and taking and taking from mother earth. The trendy word is "sustainability", "the future of fashion" they say. But it's true. Fashion has been a selfish and very competitive industry it makes no sense now. Why the need for such extravagant fashion shows? Why do we need so many seasons of collections? Why do people need to buy new 'it' bags every 2 weeks just to show how updated you are on Instagram? It is exhausting. And money-consuming. Slow down, fashion. You are losing your essence. Shouldn't fashion celebrate the wearer - to make the wearer look good and FEEL good? If so, then it should never be a competition where everybody needs to run so fast they even forget to feel.

Anyway, it's late. I should be sleeping. Talk to you soon. Muah! :)

Why Corona :(

So it's been more than a month since I updated my blog and suddenly I'm back because I feel...sad? Sigh. Because probably writing is one of the best ways to heal.

What has happened while I was gone (from the blogging world):

• I've fallen in love with sewing at home, thanks to S who bought me a sewing machine for my birthday. My sewing machine now feels like an extension of my heart...it's a tool that fixes so many things; hubby's torn pyjamas, clothes that are too big, it also fixes my mood. I've been sewing almost every night doing so many things. Upcycling, making clothes from scratch, I really feel this whole sewing thing has opened me up. It made me understand design better. It has taught me the real construction of a design which is basically a result of great planning, thinking, patience and precision.
• The new Disney "Stargirl" movie is finally out aaaaand...you can spot 3 pairs of my UP shoes in it woohooooo! Grace VanderWaal's style is so perfect in the movie, it reminds me of my own style when I was young(er) LOL. And yes, I MADE IT TO DISNEY. Wow.
• I'm working on a new BIG project that requires me to go back to my roots: graphic designing. It involves cute doodles and bright vivid colors and for sure, motivational quotes. I cannottttt wait to reveal this project soon, launching in June 2020.
• I failed my Switzerland driving theory test for the 2nd time gosshhhhhh. I'm so sad I am so not motivated to take another test again..:D
• Lastly, COVID-19. Yes, the coronavirus crisis. I am so worried about my parents back in Indonesia. At the same time, the numbers are quite high in Switzerland too. As of today, there has been more than 3,000 cases and 33 deaths here in Swiss. In Indonesia, the fatality rate is around 9%. Every hour, I message or call my parents to monitor what they are doing, where they are, just to make sure that they STAY AT HOME and not get tempted to go out because of boredom. As for us here in Switzerland, it's already quarantine Day 5, and so far we have managed to stay at home fully and keep the kids occupied with toys and books. We check the numbers every few hours and feel so sad whenever there is a new case or death. It's crazy. It's scary. It is not "just" a virus. Please don't take this lightly. Stay safe, be cautious, and keep updated with new policies and regulations being implemented by the government around the world.

Oh no. Daria just woke up LOL. Gotta put her to sleep now. Good night! :)

10 Days in Pakistan!

Hello from Karachi, Pakistan! What an experience to spend our first 10 days of 2020 in my husband's hometown. Karachi is such a wild city haha...everything is so spicy, drivers don't stop at red lights, malls are filled 90% with local brands, clothes are sooo beautiful.

It's Finally Snowing Woohoo!

Finally 35

“Happyyyy birthhhhhhdaaaayyyy.. tooooooo... meeeeeeee...” 🥳🎶🥰

35 is a defining age for me personally, because I have always told myself that by the age of 35, I must be “very successful”. I don’t know whether I’ve accomplished that at all to be honest. And I guess, the definition of “success” itself has changed over time. When you’re young and single, you define success as your own individual success. When you have a partner, you want to reach success together; a shared success. When you have children, success is extended to theirs too. And so somehow, success becomes less and less “yours”, but more “ours”.

I turn 35 today and honestly this was not at all how I imagined 35 would be like. Today, I feel like I have lost so much ~ of the things I wish I can do freely ~ run wild, run wild ~ but probably it’s so I can gain so much more ~ together with my family, as I learn to run slower and find a speed that we all can walk together comfortably at. It’s also almost 6 years since I’ve become a mother, and everyday I am still learning how to actually become a mother. Am I motherly enough? Am I mother-material enough? I don’t know. I just try my best. I just hope my children will one day understand that a mother also self-doubts herself once in a while because nobody’s perfect. We are all God’s creatures trying to find our way and place in this world, and within that journey, it feels better when we simply hold hands.

This birthday letter for myself sounds rather sad, no? Maybe because I am, but a good kind of “sad”. The kind of sadness that comes from self-reflecting and realizing that there’s still so much more room to grow and soar high and you realize it’s only the beginning, and therefore you decide to turn that sadness into good energy.

Happy birthday, Diana. I love you for who you are. ✨

It Sparks Joy

Today was the last day of school for 2019 and we spent the day making holiday tote bags to exchange with each other. So fun! I made one that says “JOY”. This year has been so exciting with the fact that I decided to go back to school and all these school assignments make me so stressed, but a good kind of stress. I feel so motivated by the new things I'm learning and although I have sooooo much more on my plate; family, home, business, school, I am happy.

I Talked at TEDx LausanneWomen!

I never saw this coming, but here we are, here I was, sharing about my #UNICORNMOM values to such a huge crowd in TEDx LausanneWomen. The audience that night was around 1,500 people. Tickets were sold out. It was a night so many people were looking forward to in Lausanne, a powerful event filled with so much positive energy, and I am truly honoured & humbled to be able to participate this year as a speaker. Like OMG. Last year I came as an attendee, and now I'm the one speaking? Just wow.

My talk that night was titled “How to Become a Unicorn” ~ a talk about the importance of authenticity, practicing mindfulness and daring to live outside of the box. I crafted this talk within 1,5 months with the help and support of amazing mentors; Ashley & Justyna from the TEDx LausanneWomen committee. My beautiful slides were illustrated by the one and only Dinda Puspitasari (I love you!).

Before going on stage, public-speaking coach, Soness Stevens, asked me, “what would you like to achieve with your audience from this talk? Write it at the bottom of your shoes so when you step foot on stage, it empowers and resonates with you”. Isn’t this such a beautiful idea? And it did. I wanted to connect, engage and became friends with my audience and I felt it. It was magical.

Was I nervous that night? VERY VERY MUCH. I meditated a lot, controlled my breath backstage, drank lots of water, prayed. I was so afraid I might forget my script. I mean, it's a 12-minutes-long script. IT'S LONG, okay? Hahah. But as soon as I stepped on that stage, I felt relaxed more than ever. I remembered each and every word, each and every line, and I made myself brave enough to look into the eyes of my audience. I've done so many talkshows and seminars and live TV interviews, but this was different. This was special. "This has to be magical", I kept telling myself. I just wanted my (I-don't-know-when-I-will-ever-get-this-kind-of-opportunity-again) talk to touch, inspire, empower and change people's lives within my capacity, my way.

I dressed up as a unicorn, wore sparkly clothes, and that was it. I was in my element. I was so happy. It was such an amazing experience. After the talk, I was SHOCKED to have so many people coming to me expressing how much they enjoyed my talk. Some even cried as they felt the talk being so relevant to their current situation at the moment. Some wanted to take pics together. Some wanted to try on my unicorn headband (LOL!), some just wanted to hug. So beautiful.

The power of being true to yourself is indeed very powerful. Never let anyone dull your sparkle. ✨🦄

Self-Acceptance by #88LOVELIFE is a #1 Bestseller!

I never thought I would ever see this sight again. Wow. Thank you so so so so much, dearest readers. I'm glad our new book has a great place in your hearts. LOVE YOU ALL! :)

Entering Nicolas Bamert's (Real) World

I have always been a fan of Nicolas Bamert's artworks that are "scattered" in so many public spots around Switzerland and France as they are very vibrant and simply very "Nicolas". And so it was a great pleasure to actually meet him in person and get the chance to visit his working studio. I loooove his positive energy and his innocent love towards colors and childlike doodles. The way he stays true to himself, focusing on elements that he truly really loves, is what makes him "him". He's a Swiss gem! :)

Hey, S.

Without meaning to be ungrateful to God, I truly feel that 2019 has been one of the most difficult year for me and my family. But amidst all the chaos in our life, I feel truly deeply grateful to have S as my husband, my bestfriend, my forever life partner. I often make fun of how "bad" he is, but truthfully, he has probably the best quality of a man one can seek for, and for that, I am blessed. I don't say this often, but S, I want you to know, I am the luckiest woman in this world for having you. I love you.

Self-Acceptance by #88LOVELIFE

Yeeppppppppp! Our 4th book is coming out in 2-3 weeks OMMGGGG!! This was the hardest work we've done so far because we each really took much longer time in completing the words and illustrations. This book feels so personal for me. It's raw, honest, sad, but wrapped up in gratitude and positive energy as always. When we decided to do another book, I immediately thought of writing about "self-acceptance" because I guess that's my life phase right now. My last 2-3 years have felt more difficult than ever and each day I learn to strive but mostly just survive. I cried a lot while writing this book because it touches me to the core. The intention was not to write a sad book though. I just wanted to highlight how life is a balance between happiness and sadness and whatever happens, we stay grateful. Get ready for Self-Acceptance by #88LOVELIFE, you all! :)

Go Go Go!

Hello, hello, hellooooo! I'm alive. Wow. I've been so busy suddenly here in Jakarta hahah. But mostly busy...meeting friends..:D

Some highlights:

• Dinda and I went for a short holiday trip (or shall I say, shopping trip :D) to Bangkok and it was actually my first time visiting Bangkok. It's easy to say that I loooove the city. Yummy (and super cheap) seafood, fresh coconuts everywhere, amazing local designers, and the vintage market is so exciting! I love how they upcycle old clothes into such unexpected ways. I really wish to visit Bangkok soon again! :)
• My new #88LOVELIFE book is coming very very soon. It's 95% done, basically just need to do proof prints and of course the final printing. This new books feels sooooo different it makes my stomache hurt hahah. Quite nervous how readers will react, but nevertheless, Dinda and I poured our hearts into this and that's what matters the most.
• I've been selected from my fashion school to showcase my designs in in in...VANCOUVER FASHION WEEK! Holy molyyyyy. This will be my first time joining a fashion week not under my UP or SCHMILEYMO brand, but instead, as "Diana Rikasari", an aspiring professional fashion designer..D Wish me luck, guys, This collection is very personal for me. Can't wait to show it to you all!
• What else. Mmmmmm, long distance marriage doesn't work for me? I love being back home in Indonesia but the fact that my husband is in Switzerland killlllls me. I just love being together ALL THE TIME lol. I'm that clingy wife who just wants husband to be around to hug and cuddle with. Miss you so much, S!

What else? I guess that's it for now. Write again soon! :)