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Sunday, February 18, 2018

Mothers, Mothers, Mothers.

Today my beautiful Daria vomited because I insisted for her to finish her carrots. She actually ate her carrots just fine, but as a mom, I always have that feeling where I will only feel happy feeding my kids if I see their plates perfectly clean and empty afterwards. But I guess this time I fed her more than she could take and I simply overdid the portion. I should have stopped but I didn’t.

Motherhood is never an easy task because I personally feel it gets very.. personal. You sometimes get confused whether what you’re doing is for your kid’s sake or actually for your own. It’s also because motherhood is very exhausting that us mothers tend to always try to make ourselves feel ‘good’ by doing what WE think is right but very often neglecting how THEY feel. Lack of reward? Maybe. Or maybe because we just feel that no reward is ever enough for what we have gone through during pregnancy and giving birth and everything that comes after therefore we always want to put OUR feelings first than others.

Can we ever stop feeling this way? I don’t know. Some can, some can’t, some won’t. After being a mother for the past 4 years to two children, here is what I have learned so far:
  1. “Mothers know best”. Nope. A lot of mothers are clueless, including myself. I do believe in the power of a “mother’s intuition”, but even intuitions can go wrong. Mothers are simply best when they are open minded and willing to learn about being a mother itself; by reading books, articles, joining mom groups, consulting with experts, seeking opinions from family and friends. And even after all that learning, we’ll still make mistakes. It’s okay. Don’t be stubborn and think we always have to be right.
  2. There is no such thing as a supermom. We’re all just moms trying to raise our kids in our own pace and capacity. Working / not working, natural birth / gentle birth / c-section, breastfeed / formula milk, nanny / no nanny, spoon-fed weaning / baby-led weaning, disposable diapers / cloth diapers, (and the list goes on), WE HAVE OUR OWN REASONS. Let’s not make these decisions cloud our life forever and make us judge other mothers more or less. My friends often tell me that I’m such a ‘supermom’ for being able to work and still take care of the kids all by myself while my hubby is away. But you see: 1) I had such a bad migraine on my 2nd night that I had to take 3 paracetamols and even that didn’t help so I just forced myself to sleep, 2) I fell asleep while I was playing with both of my kids on the bed and woke up 30 minutes later only to find them still lying next to me peacefully (thank God no one fell off the bed, really), 3) it’s the 4th day since hubby left and today I woke up with no voice already. I am THAT tired. So it’s not about being ‘super’. It’s just about sucking it all up because you have no other choice or because we decided to take up the challenge. That’s all.
  3. Focus on our children’s happiness, not on tiny milestones that won’t even matter when they grow up. Have you ever heard the story of an employer interviewing a candidate where he asked, “when did you start walking?” or “at what age did you start reading?”. Never? Because there’s no such story. These things that we unconsciously compete with other mothers on, they won’t matter. Motherhood is not a competition and our children’s milestones are not too.
  4. Be kind to other mothers. Mothers have gone through enough and we don’t need more drama by having mean moms around us. If you feel depressed because other mothers seem to be bullying you, open up. Share about it. Don’t keep it to yourself. And if you’re the bully, just don’t. Learn to mind your own business.
Make every day your own kind of Mother’s Day where we feel happy for being one in our own way. And never stop learning.


Dhi said...

Thank you sooo much for sharing this. Being a mother can be quite scary sometimes, so we need more support other mothers out there. Please share more stories about your kids, they are so sweet and cute as buttons.

hanny arianty gultom said...

Gw juga lagi mellow nih..:( Dalam 4 hari ini aja, my 1st son kepalanya sudah 3x jatoh dan parah bgt jatohnya sampai kepalanya benjol dan bengkak bangettt.. feel like a bad mom dan tiba2 langsung takutan, check rumah tiap hari.. I feel so desperate.. thanks for sharing Die.. <3

Anonymous said...

I'm your silent reader, love it when you share about motherhood!

Unknown said...

Yes...there is no such thing as a supermom😉

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