Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Because I Couldn't Sleep, I Decided To Write

The biggest, scariest question in life is.."what do you want to be?". This question haunts many people, for some even throughout their whole lives, because frankly, it isn't something easy to answer. What do we want to be? What do we want to do? Why do I need to? It's a series of never-ending questions...but it's fun, because it's the whole point of life.

I personally think that every human has a mission in life. Missions can be anything, from the simplest to the grandest form. And that's why we were born. To live the mission and succeed, or at least die trying to. Because without one, then what's the point of time? Time becomes valuable because there's something to achieve at the end of the day.

I happen to grow up in a family where "what do you want to be?" questions were never asked. I think it's because my grandpa and my dad both worked in banks, so they expected us to work in banks too. So no point of asking I guess hehehe. As a kid, I accepted that notion. I thought that's how life works. At that time, I always told my dad that I'm gonna be the next Miranda Goeltom.

Then when I entered university, the thought of having to choose a specific major became confusing. To work in a bank, taking Accounting or Economy would be the wisest choice. But then I realized that I never enjoyed studying accounting and economy in high school. I liked maths. A lot. But the idea to study mathematics for 4 years in university pretty much scared me. So the dilemma started. And I started to question WHY I have to work in a bank. My brother realized my talents in art, because he happened to be the only family member who would actually hang out in my room and notice the things I do or make inside my room. He always appreciated my photographs and photo editing results and convinced me that I should take Graphic Design. He even talked to my dad about this. But dad disagreed, because, well, he wants his children to work in a bank hehehehe. It was a very weird time. I decided to follow my dad's advice to apply for Industrial Engineering in University of Indonesia. Buuuuuut I also followed my (brother's) gut-feeling and applied to Pelita Harapan University for Graphic Design. I got accepted in Pelita Harapan University first and soon started my studies. After (only) 4 days attending the classes, I felt guilty to "hurt" my dad & grandpa, and asked the university whether I could transfer to Industrial Engineering instead.Wish granted. After 1 week, it was informed that I got accepted in University of Indonesia for Industrial Engineering. So I transferred again.

So my 4 years of uni life started. It was tough. I felt like I was in the wrong place. I didn't really enjoy the modules except for Mechanical Drawing. I kept on thinking, "man, I should have just taken Graphic Design". But I just told myself, that everything happens for a reason. So I just faced it and tried to do my best. With tears too, of course. But I survived hehe. Upon graduation, my friends started applying for jobs & got offers from multinational banks, FMCG, mining and oil & gas companies. They all started working very soon. It was so cool to see them work in their dream companies, but for me, it just didn't seem to fit me. The only two companies I wanted to work for was McKinsey and Boston Consulting Group. I applied to both companies but none accepted me hehehe. I didn't know what to do. And then one day, just like that, within seconds, I had the most random thought of studying again. I directly did some research on potential Master programs abroad, and the only one that clicked was the International Business Management MSc. program in Nottingham University. Why did it click? Because their website looked good. Hahah. I'm that weird, I know. Besides, taking Masters in something "design" was not possible because of my undergraduate background. Anyway, I remember it was already July at that time, and the closing date of the enrollment was August. My dad was totally against this idea, because 1) it was expensive, 2) he wanted me to work in a bank (duh!), 3) there's no chance I could get in because the due date was too soon anyway. The latter was because there were too many documents I needed to prepare in such short time, including the IELTS test. Buuuuut being a strong-willed person I am, I took care of the documents all by myself and took the test just like that. And I did it! Hahah! So I asked dad whether he would give me the permission and of course the financial support. He finally did. Hooraaaaayyyy...

Now the following 1,5 years doing Masters was somehow the BEST studying years of my life. I LOVED it. I was able to finally understand the joy of studying. S was my classmate btw.

But life is funny, because after graduating, I still didn't know what to do, or which companies to apply to. So I simply followed S and applied to whichever companies he applied to heheheh. Aaaaaaand it gets funnier. We both got accepted in the same company and got jobs as a quantitative market researcher...;p

During those working years, I admire how S really really enjoyed his work. It's like, he talks about statistics and numbers like how ice cream and chocolates are for me. Like yummy. And I envied that. I wanted to feel as passionate about something. Like, something that makes me feel alive. Like "alive" alive. So I resigned, and moved from one company to another. Friends said I was weird to change jobs so quick like that. But that was all because I kept on feeling that something was missing. Inside me.

You guys wanna know what woke me up eventually? It was because of that Singapore Shopping Race I joined together with Hanzky of Fashionesedaily. I remember, it was in the Muji shop when she was choosing shirts for her husband when I asked, "do you like your job, Hanzky? At Fashionesedaily?". And she said, "do I like it? I LOVE IT!".

Wow.

She LOVES her job. I wanna love something that much too.

Within my working years, I have actually done a loooot of contemplation. My heart said that I should go back and give 'graphic design' another try. Besides, I have never stopped loving art & designing, and my inner self wanted to explore that side of me. So I guess that's how my blog grew. My blog was my only creative outlet, letting me express the things I couldn't do at office. And little did I know, my blog became a huge part of me. Like, my blog became me. An awakening that made me realize that this is what I LOVE: graphic design, taking pictures, fashion, and creating something from nothing. So it came to me that doing online business in the fashion category would be the best thing for me.

I've always loved things that are colorful too, because colors make me happy. I figured out that my mission in life is to spread happiness by creating something that brings smiles to other people's faces. By delivering more colors. By being positive because positivity is contagious. By helping as many people as I can.

And that was the start of everything. Everything of happiness. I resigned from my job, killed my fear of not having a stable income, and started my Up shoe business. Did my family agree at the beginning? NOPE. But I realized that things take time, and convincing my family about what I decided to become was part of maturing as well. If we can't stand up for ourselves, then we aren't mature enough. That simple.

The journey to understand what we want to be in life can be very tough and full of challenges. But never give up because eventually it'll all just come to you. Like a soulmate. And when it does, go for it. Have no regrets. And have faith.. :)

82 comments:

Anindita Pusparani said...

it's really... hm... what is it..
touching :') you fight for passion. not just reject or make defense. well, big effort to get sweet reward. congrats diana for finding ur passion and enjoy it nowadays. inspiring other to do the same thing in a good way. ;)

~ dee ~

Mary said...

Good post! :)
Semoga aku juga bisa tau passion ku apa yah kayak kak D hihi :p

siti masyitah said...

inzepiratifhh...
jadi tau ternyata kak Diana sempat mengalami saat2 dimana "feeling at the wrong place" dan terus fighting towards your passion.
thanks for the spirit, kak. i'll keep moving toward my passion too, no matter what :)
PS: i love reading your blogpost because i can learn structure and grammar in english. 2 thumbs UP for ur english

Anisacrament said...

yeaaayy you'll be in malaysia again? sadly udah ngga disitu lagi my previous school pretty much near Nottingham university loh.

nina said...

this post really inspired me! being ask 'what do u want to do?' can be the hardest question to answer. it really an eye-opener post :) good luck for yr journey :D

nina said...

wahh~~ what an inspiring post. hehehe. its funny too when u applied the same comany with S. o think 'what do u want to do?' question can be the hardesr question to answer. its true, that we have our own goals and we want to achieve it.a lil bit of rebel,its find, i guess. hahahaha. good luck for yr journey! keep blogging★

AdiAni said...

kak D.. do you have hot choc n mint apps for iphone? i'd love to have it on my phone. i love your post..inspiring me. Moga sukses terus kak D. Amiin Ya Rabb

Gian Aryanti said...

Hi Kak Di...
Seems like I'm in those situation right now :)
Don't know what to do...for what...don't find what i love to do yet...feel like empty-inside :)
Hope I can walk through this "mature-process" situation yah kak :')
Thanks a lot for the inspiring sharing...
Sangat tepat waktu when I do really need any advice bout this situation :)

Love, Gian

Meilina Utomo said...

great interesting post


xoxo
http://singingthumbelina.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This is so inspiring! Thank you so much for reminding me the word passion.

Anonymous said...

This is so inspiring! Thank you so much for reminding me of the word passion.

Annisa mulia said...

I swear I did cry at the last paragraph..

DEANA said...

My UI lecturer said that University name can't be translated. So it is Universitas Indonesia instead of University of Indonesia. heheheh. Correct me if I'm mistaken

pengobatan tradisional keputihan said...

cantik banget neng.......

yuni said...

D, u post came at the right time, when i felt a dilemma with my job right now, lol.. it opened my mind a little.. Good Post D.. Nice to read u life, i hope u always get the best in u life.

Puput said...

the first time i saw this post, omg it's so a lot but when i am reading it, i couldn't stop :p
it's interesting and motivating post. I think it happened to everyone being confused about what to do. It is really true that we should follow our heart and passion.

Nanachan said...

Wowww inspiring.....
"What do You want to be?" it is a simple question but really hit!
Hoefully I can foud my passion Kak Di! :D

Summer Heartbeat said...

thank you so much for this entry, it really inspired me. I'm on my way reaching for my dreams but ppl around me were not convinced enough, thank u for reminding me to 'have faith'. will do! ^_*

Fifi Zharfa said...

Just like what others' thought, This post is really inspiring. I mean, each person have their own 'confused' time. And another 'just like others', I am having that situation right now.
I am in the process where I am only starting to gain more and more faith and positive that I can do it and come to This post, it has become on of the booster aswell!

I hope everyone of us find our own 'love' in this life just like you did.

Thanks! :)
You're such an inspiration♥

rika daniel said...

I always follow your post, but rarely leave a comment. This writing is really awaken and inspiring! thank you for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

lucky you have a rich dad that give you financial support so you don't have to worry about what food will you eat tomorrow, or pay rent, or buy your own car, or give money to your parents
what a lucky life, pantes bisa ngejar passion

Anonymous said...

your post super came in the super right time :")
I am a architecture student and I always worried about my future. so I got a little 'slap' from your post hehe. thank you! :)

fyi, I found someone using ur photo to be her instagram photo. here's the link: http://web.stagram.com/p/272501042709001446_216791532

I-just-cant-help ://

Anonymous said...

Aww this is a really beautiful post - thanks so much for sharing Diana! :)

Anna

Hanzky said...

I love this post, Diana. I didn't know that that specific moment in Muji played a part in helping you decide what you want to do in your life :). Happy for you that you have finally found your calling and that everything is falling into places for you. Amazing things always happen to those who follow their passion :)

Listya Bonjep said...

Dai!! I didn't know all these! But now I do and I know how you feel because I'm thinking and doing exactly the same thing! Keep the faith! It's so good to know I'm not alone but I guess you did see it in me when you asked me "are you happy?" And I couldn't said YES straight away.

Bukan Primadona said...

Hi Diana!

I am just glad you follow your dream and desire. I start reading you during my uni days and I was inspired since then. We may be different in wanting what we want in life. But your passion had inspire me to get what i want in life.

I think we will always have that question in our mind about life, etc.

As you said, it will eventually come to you, like a soulmate. And have faith.

I love you diana! :)

Niki Zulfah said...

You are amazing, D. I just found out what my passion is. This post is so inspiring... God bless you, dear :")

indri said...

Thank you for sharing, Diana. This writing is nutritious to my soul.

indri said...

Thank you for sharing, Diana. This writing is nutritious to my soul.

Anonymous said...

I am inspired at this post at the same time confused. What happens to us that cannot afford to quit their day job. Yes, I know excuses are excuses but what can we do until we find "passion"? Nobody has rich parents or a husband that can fend for us when times are tough. just saying...

Dheicy maryanne said...

Gak nyangka sama sekali kalo kak D juga pernah berada "in the wrong place" demi orang tua.
Bagaimana cara kak D bisa bertahan seperti itu?
i wondering want to know, coz i feel the same like u too. i'm in the wrong place to study just like u. and it's bcoz my parents wants too. but i'm not knowing "what i want to be?" 'till right now :(

oh btw,, i follow ur blog since 2008,, and u know, every time (i mean everyday) i wake up in the morning,, i always open ur blog for my morning mood booster. u are soo inspiring person i've ever know :)

Sabila Anata said...

you really opened my mind :) I've always loved reading amazing people's life stories and their process to success, and this includes u. It's something i look upon to.
Thank you for always inspiring me :)

Min said...

you'd really insipire me because I'm now 20 years old and is a first year student. I know what I always wanted to do but there is a lot of issues hold it back,I hope I can pursue my dream like you did without fear.Thanks for the post :)

Blair's Bazaar said...

A lot of "A-HA!" moments in this blog post :))

applausr said...

do what you love and believe in it.... you will get the best out of it.... good luck nice writing...

carryn said...

Hi Diana, I really love this post because that "What do you want to be?" question is haunting me in a few days XD

Just like you, I really want to start my own business but still feel worry and scared. It's so hard to leave my current job in advetising, but my heart keep saying "Make your own business now!!!". This post inspires me so much, thanks a lot!! =D

saxsilverain said...

beautiful post :) some people may not be as lucky as others who get financial support from their parents/spouses (for the education or those first few months of starting a new business), but i still take my hat off for you for figuring out what you actually want to do in life and actually going for it. it's not an easy thing to do no matter what the financial situation is, to get over your own fears & convincing your family/spouse that what you want to do can actually work. i'm glad you've found it, and best of luck in continuing it! :)

Rinei said...

;) Thank you kak, for reminding me about "passion"

"Allah is odd.."
"Allah itu ganjil.."
Ganjil/odd itu bisa berarti aneh juga kan? Allah memang aneh (tidak sama seperti makhluknya). Dia memberikan kejutan di setiap episode hidup kita. Dan pastinya, selalu ada makna/hikmah.

Your posts never make me bore.. ini postingan bahasa inggris terpanjang yang kubaca sampai akhir dan benar-benar aku ngerti hihi

ANANDITA PRISCARINI said...

omg kak di, we have totally same situations. right now, i'm going to engineering school. i'm so surprised when i read your post that you entered industrial engineering of UI. hopefully that i can be successful like you. you such a role model :)

xoxo,
www.ananditapriscarini.blogspot.com

Manda Aziz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manda Aziz said...

Thank you kak Diana you've wrote a preview about your experience when you were in University. It makes me more spirit to also live my passion and even woke me up! hehe.
Huge thanks, keep inspiring :D.

kelimutu said...

this is why I love blogging. I meet so many inspiring people and help me to realize my passion.

thank you for such an inspiring story kak! (:

xoxo
Kelimutu

iegha said...

I think you should write more dear.

I'm tearful to read it as it reminds me of myself. Huge different is that I was having a poor family and they thought that I have too high dreams. My parents often brought me down, no one support but I didn't care as I know I was a dreamer and I'm.

I'm now living my dream, doing what I love and I could prove to my parents and the world that I can. And I'm thankful and happy.

Maybe because I'm human as I love other things too, and I'm now still 'in progress' to make my "other dreams" come true ;).

I know you too... U have live what you love now and I wish every goodness and happiness in life for you and S and successful in every step that you take... ;)

geni maharani said...

http://ruanghomunculus.blogspot.com/2012/09/alive-alive.html

quoted you on my blog post. hope you dont mind :)

thanks for writing it down, Diana :)

Intan R. Suryandari said...

So inspiring De... I do more love love u sooooo....

obat sakit said...

good post !
the first visit for your blog and thanks for youre info

bonitaayu said...

I just can make up my own tears. inspiring post !!!!!!1 thanks for write it. What u do is all people must doin to. find the passion. thanks, thanks, thanks :)

Fetty Asihta Kencana Putri said...

uhmm this post..... is totally awesome and inspiring! Now I'm working, I like it, but I feel there's still something missing. Hope I can find the real passion of mine.
Thank you so much for this post!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DIANA!!!! :)

Keep inspiring!!

xoxo

Paulina said...

THIS post is the BEST ! i hope i can LOVE my job the way passionate people do

Crew Chezz said...

Thanks For Sharing...

novi said...

Thank you thank you thank you kak for writing this!
Saat ini aku jg ngerasa ada di jurusan yg salah dan sering mikir, "what am I doing here?" kalo lg kuliah. Parahnya lagi ortu ku jg gak sepenuhnya mendukung aku di jurusan ini.. -_-
Tapi aku jd semangat habis baca tulisan ini. Makasih ya kak.. Hebat banget deh :)

eka theresia said...

What a wonderful writing kak! Thanks for writing<3 You wake me up form this desperate life;)

xoxo
Eka Theresia♥

dew_miauw said...

Thanks for sharing kak Di :)

This post really inspiring me to really fight for our dream. Very well written..

Mitha Komala said...

kak di this is so inspiring and touching and it increases my faith of what i wanna do, thanks a lot T___T i thought you have a straight and easy life as a blogger but i was wrong, you went through a lot of things, both you like and dislike. thank yooooou so much!!! <3

Letters To Juliet

Anonymous said...

it's so nice to know that you reach your success because you fight for it and not just depend on luck. you hit me with your words and i realize that success and sacrifices come together :)

mapassionne said...

very inspiring, Kak Diana..Think positive might take big impact to our life, eh?

nadiraa natasyaa said...

inspiring :) love it!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dee....setelah sekian jd silent reader jadi pengen komenin nih...duluuu,awal2 ngeliat blog mu, saya tuh berpikir, wow,km beruntung sekali and I envy to u(sangat2 iri...kok bisa ya ada orang seperti ini di dunia,hehehehe)...sekolah di UI, S2 di luar negeri(pastinya pinter n secara finansial jg oke), jago bahasa inggris, jago desain,bisa maen musik,selera fashionnya unik n keren (saya ga bilang bagus ya...hahahha, soale kadang beberapa style fashion mu agak terlalu weird buat saya, but its oke laaah, kerja di perusahaan asing (pastinya gajinya gede),punya side income dari blog ini...sempurna deh!!!tapi, ternyata, kesempurnaan n kesuksesan itu datang dari kesusahanmu dulu yah...baru tauuu...baru tau seorang Diana Rikasari bingung setelah lulus sekolah mau ngapain, ga d terima kerjaan sama perusahaan besar (hah??yang bener??saya kira jalan hidupmu mulus2 ajah) bingung sama tujuan idup,tapi tetep berusaha keras sehingga ketemu jalannya sampe sekarang ini...so, saya cuma mau bilang...terima kasih ya, kamu udah kasih cerita yang inspiring banget, ternyata ada sisi perih2nya juga dlm hidupmu yang saya liat dari kacamata orang luar tuh sempurna banget dan hal tersebut menjadikanmu seperti sekarng ini..(makin sukses gitu maksudnya)

Izzah Anne Abdullah said...

"If we can't stand up for ourselves, then we aren't mature enough." Quote this words :)

Linda Lianto said...

kak diana. your story almost exactly the same as mine. bedanya, saya ga disuruh untuk kerja di bank karena memang bukan background keluarga.hampir nangis bacanya :') ternyata gak cuma saya doang yg bimbang2 mau pilih major graphic design untuk kuliah. kak diana sempet milih graphic design memang bisa gambar atau ga? karena aku lagi kurang yakin sama bakat gambar saya. lebih2 saya juga mau ke malaysia and facing the same problem as yours. feels like im not alone in this world. love your words "creating something from nothing". gonna be my fav quote :) you're so inspirational. thanks kak diana . you make me fell stronger. God Bless You <3

lukman said...

You are inspiring! Many people usually do something by wasting their time when they could not sleep at night.

For me, Writing is challenging and interesting. And you post title is great. That's fine and I'm with you in this case.

Anonymous said...

i think this is one of the VERY BEST post from this blog.
sooooo inspiring...
thank you very much.

dedeRIRIN said...

omg!!! this posting so GOOD and so inspiring me :") thanks sista :* hugs.

Jason Abdul said...

The confusing situation of "chasing the dreams not my family wants" is what I suffer now....

Thank you Diana, for the post. It's inspiring ...

Anonymous said...

So inspiring, Di!

I feel the same and somehow trapped in wrong major, wrong job, and totally kinda lose my passion.
Gonna find it soon.

So much thankyou! :')

Rachmi Rachmawati said...

so this is the story behind the 'hot chocolate mint', i never thought that you gonna revealed this stuff hehe . now its completely change my mind about you. everyone in this world through the hardest time in their live, including you. Yes your story inspiring everyone to reach their dream, including me, thanks Diana Rikasari, keep sharing with us :D

Rachmi Rachmawati said...

so this is the story behind the 'hot chocolate mint', i never thought that you gonna revealed this stuff hehe . now its completely change my mind about you. everyone in this world through the hardest time in their live, including you. Yes your story inspiring everyone to reach their dream, including me, thanks Diana Rikasari

♥ Lauretha of Myrrh Goldframe ♥ said...

What a struggle!!! Very inspiring tooo. Love your real story so much.

Liku Layuk Allo said...

i almost cry when I read this. you're encourage me more than you can imagine.

Caecilia said...

aahhh, you inspiring me a lot......

Thanks a lot for writing this post :)

Anonymous said...

Typing this as I cry my eyes out hihi you're such an inspiration Kak Diana! I'm at that scary, confusing stage of life where I don't know what I want to be. Currently pursuing my degree in Accounting and Finance. With my pre-law foundation. Pft. To all the confused people out there, group hug! We shall find our way, InsyaAllah. :')

Audina Mutiara Adisty said...

i really want to have a bookstore and also a library. your story attract me so much kak di. thanks :)

Ferisa Nabila Natassa said...

i love you soo much D, i almost in tears, i feel you, and hope i could be like you i mean i a good way, really inspiring me!

Ferisa Nabila Natassa said...

i love you D! i feel you, really appreciate you share your thought like that, inspiring! :')

Luna Merza said...

what an inspiring story Diana :) never give up on finding what you love to do.

Luna Merza
http://www.lunamerza.com/

Anonymous said...

just what i needed. INSPIRED, thank you! :')

Rachmi Nurhanifah said...

i am feeling what u ever felt. i hope, i can follow u who finally find what u want to be.

thanks for this inspiring note! :)

Rachmi Nurhanifah said...

oya, izin share ya... :)

nyonyakecil said...

Diana gw juga mengalami yang kurang lebih sama, gw pengen ambil Graphic Design tapi ga diijinin ortu. Bokap maunya gw ambil Mechanical Enginering (karna bokap kerja kontraktor listrik) sedangkan nyokap suggest Commerce / Accounting (karna nyokap kerja sebagai manager keuangan). Funny how they want us to be like them hm?
So akhirnya gw ambil IT (I thought it is closest one to Graphic Design bcos using computer :P )
Gw blajar design otodidak.. Skarang gw jadi web developer and designer. Yeahh at least I still can learn design :) And I think I still want more..
Thanks for sharing that it is never late to chase your dream :D

Anonymous said...

quote : "killed my fear of not having a stable income"

That's the BIGGEST fear of everyone i guess..

including me..

but you did it!!
GREAT!

Nurul Nazihah Ismail said...

I think I fell deeply in love with your post after reading this. I think I am experiencing what you have experienced.

Hope I can find what I truly wants in life like you do.

xoxo,
Nazihah.

Dyah Rahmi said...

Abis baca ini jd tmbah semngaaaaaat.. huhu touching story.

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