Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Phases in life

This post got few phases ok

Phase 1)
Yes....i really miss my younger brother. I really dont know why God took him away from us but this is one question that will make me confident when i die too.

Well my brother's only passion was cars...and im not talking about hanky panky car modifications like body kits or rims...no its serious then that...yup its the engine..and it was his own ability that he managed to do nowhere but in our very own house...and achieved the title of Karachi (Pakistan) fastest D16Z6 NA (Naturally Aspirated).

What he did was he firstly, opened the engine at home and got the pistons and all the stuff i cant even think of changed according to his own new dimensions. Second he managed to increase the cc (size of the combustion chamber) where the petrol ignites and energy is provided. The original cc was 1.6 litre which he increased to 2.8 litres. Yes that were his abilities...Check out the pics...below



Phase 2)
Ok..ive been running away from writing about my emotions...to be honest i have been devastated from what me and my family went through. People say its going to be ok and all but hell no one knows how I feel...i know its rude but its true..well people are doing what they can...its just something u have to deal with....When i was in Pakistan i visited his grave every day ..prayed and recited Quran on his grave..now that is the only thing we can do for him...Prayers...I saw him in my dreams ...he didint speak to me but he looked good.

Phase 3).
After what even i have been thru there have been some disastrous changes in me...according to some people when i smile or laugh it is said to be a fake one...no matter what i do ..shop..chill with friends...watch movie....my heart doesnt seems to be alive. I know this impact is causing distress to some people who are the closest to me and they feel helpless..I just dont know how to put it in words but my heart is still searching for my brother .... I still keep on talking to him in the air thinking he might be listening to me...Since i arrived back to KL that was 10th august uptil now i cant sleep at night...i spend my time in the lab loitering or surfing...just didnt had the courage to go back....luckily it was someone(Diana) who provided what i needed the most...her heart to fill in and share my sorrow and saddness...still i couldnt get well...The other effects are me being moody, grumpy, rude, shouting, angry, emotional and super sensitive. I try very hard but it just kicks in at some moment when it shouldnt and spoils what ever i am supposed to do....luckily i got the extension for the dissertation....my university councelor said what i went thru will stay in my heart for ever ..it might get less if it does (which i dont think so) but this will remain for ever...my heart looking for him...


Here in im openly apologizing to all the people i have caused trouble or to whom i have misbehaved or being rude.. Please forgive me ....

Currently i feel everything that was near to me is far out of my reach...my family...my friends..my girl friend...every one ...its metaphorically true however they all in my heart...and near by me besides my family (Pakistan and Canada).


Will be posting some more stuff...cant carry on
Sharjeel

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