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Friday, May 8, 2020

Dear, Blog. I Love You.

Good evening, blog. Diana here. It's been a while, heh? Instagram took more of my time and attention I kinda neglected you. I apologize. I should never forget you because you, yes you, you were the one who was there for me since the early times - times when I was still discovering myself, when I was still soul-searching, times when I was still lost and still unsure on what I wanted to do in this life. You were my only friend who would listen to me, allowed me to write anything I wanted to without judging me. So thank you, dear blog. Thank you for growing with me..together.

This year this blog celebrates its 13th anniversary. Wow. Isn't this amazing? We have been bestfriends for 13 years already, hopefully for forever. When I started 'you', I was still in university doing my Masters. I met S at at that time. We were still dating. And today we have been married for 9 years already. We have 2 kids. Wow. Time flies so fast, just like that, and yet when I look at my old posts and old #OOTDs, I smile because I feel like I never changed. I'm still that crazy colorful girl who likes to experiment in clothes and do DIYs and I guess I love the fact that I never lost my identity. "Motherhood will change you", they say. But I don't feel that way. I'm still that crazy colorful girl who just happens to have two new little bestfriends in her life. I'm not good at being a mother, I think. I feel lost sometimes. But what if a "mother" is just a label? And what if in reality, I just want to be my children's best friend? Like we are. I want to be the kind of friend to my children who basically listens to each other, who grows together, who learns from each other, and just have fun and probably cry together - with no judgement. Just pure love and support. And empowerment and encouragement.

Oh, blog. You have no idea. It's been a crazy ride. My dreams have changed. My thinking about life has changed. I no longer desire to be that ambitious businesswoman I have always thought I was going to be. I have learned that the world is a better place when things are kept smaller, so that everyone gets equal opportunities to create and support each other, and most importantly, when we don't keep taking and taking and taking from mother earth. The trendy word is "sustainability", "the future of fashion" they say. But it's true. Fashion has been a selfish and very competitive industry it makes no sense now. Why the need for such extravagant fashion shows? Why do we need so many seasons of collections? Why do people need to buy new 'it' bags every 2 weeks just to show how updated you are on Instagram? It is exhausting. And money-consuming. Slow down, fashion. You are losing your essence. Shouldn't fashion celebrate the wearer - to make the wearer look good and FEEL good? If so, then it should never be a competition where everybody needs to run so fast they even forget to feel.

Anyway, it's late. I should be sleeping. Talk to you soon. Muah! :)

5 comments:

Galih Kenyo Asti said...

Happy 13th birthday for this beautiful blog! It must be so happy for you to see how much times has passed yet this beautiful place will always bring the old memories back ya kak Di :)

Arif Nur Rokhman said...

Blogspot masih hidup.

asasi said...

I reflect a lot from this writing

atiqoh said...

wow congratulation :)

Unknown said...

Been following you since 13 years ago.. saw your instagram post about Shahmeer and can't help myself to cry. I have 2 kids, 10 and 3. Both conceived through IVF. My firstborn daughter is such a smart, easy and loving child. She wanted a sibling so bad , finally I gave up and going through IVF again. We were so excited when we knew its going to be a boy this time. We dreamt doing activities together as family. She even drew a lot of things that she is going to do together with him. Play pretend, sports, vacations, endless dreams. Turns out my second born son has autism. It has impacted our life so much until we dont even have that much time to spend with my first born anymore. But she keep understanding and smile and say its okay mommy i love him just the way he is. Even with the screaming , the biting, the hitting. It breaks my heart, every single day. Should i say goodbye to the son we were expecting before? The one that we expect to read together, sing together and play together with? Likewise, i always thought that with interventions and therapies he will catch up soon.
Sorry for the long rant, i hope your family will be given the strength and patience and happiness every single day.

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