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Saturday, June 10, 2017

When Mess Is Good

I feel down today. I miss my house in Indonesia, I miss my parents, my nephews, I miss the variety of food available in Jakarta, I miss my clothes, my accessories, my soft bed, my pillows, I miss my helpers, I miss being out there and feeling alive. Life is good here in Swiss. Life is simple without any drama. Everything is clean, proper, organized. The view? Breathtaking. I mean, the view from our balcony is a freaking mountain, alright. How prettier can it get? Flowers everywhere. The weather is pleasant. Crime rate is low. Air is really clean.

As a human being, there are things you need to connect yourself to. I connect myself to art. To fashion. To the creative industry. To social causes. And all these are not quite a scene here in Switzerland. So as much as I love living a new life here, I do feel empty. It's hard to describe the feeling, I even think S doesn't get it. He just thinks I'm whining for no clear reason. And I love working so much. Running businesses from afar is very different from being hands on directly. You don't get to touch your products, feel the fabrics, direct your models, get dirty with paint and papers and scissors. I miss the mess.

I'm not sure how things will be in the next few months, especially with the presence of our second child. Perhaps I will be occupied and falling in love too much that my emptiness will be filled in a different way. But isn't it interesting? That when I am lucky enough to have a taste of two different sets of life, I question myself even more, which one do I love the most? I really don't know.


Unknown said...

Kak Di, I think I understand what you're feeling right now. I've lived abroad once and I liked it so much; no traffic, no pollution, the view was amazing everywhere I looked - but I felt empty. I wanted to meet my parents, my siblings, my best friends and Indonesian foods. I complained a lot about Jakarta being so messy and overpopulated, but still...
It felt weird and I think that's normal. We are just humans who are actually a social-being. We need to connect.

I hope everything will be a lot better for you in Swiss Kak Di. With the presence of the little one! x

russellion said...

Balik indo kak. Kunjungi juga makasih

kriww said...

Hi Diana, I can totally relate to you... My family have to move to another city every five years due to my husband's office rotation. I felt down too during the first months in new places. The overwhelming feeling of packing and moving, looking for a house to rent...a school for my kids, etc etc...everything seemed daunting and exhausting to me at times. It gets better as time passes, but still, I miss the life I had to live before. Now I live in a small island, everything here is so peaceful and quiet. My kids can play safely by themselves around our neighborhood, something I could never imagine happen in our previous bustling city. I have a lot of spare time to play with the kids because I don't have to commute to work. No traffic. And the seafood is super fresh. But sometimes I miss going to music concerts, even I miss going to malls. Most of all, I miss my friends. Maybe it's the absence of close friends that makes me feel so empty here. I wish I can give you a magic mantra to help you pass this time, but I don't have it. Just hang on, Di, time will heal everything. Everything will be okay and this feeling too shall past. Wish you all the best!

hunz said...

I second that @kriww.. <3



Dytia said...

I feel you. Dan percayalah, berapa lama pun tinggal di luar tanah kelahiran, tidak akan pernah terbiasa (at least in my case, I live in Europe for 9 years now). Saya selalu menganggap diri saya sebagai tamu di negara yang saya tinggali sekarang. Tidak pernah bisa menyebut negara ini sebagai "home" saya. But I survived anyway :)
It's true what people said: "enjoy the little things in life. For one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things"

Zorni said...

Hi Diana, I've been reading your blog for a long time, but due to a lot of work I haven't been able to come over during the last couple of months. I'm quite amazed you moved to Switzerland! That's not too far from where I am, which is Hamburg in Germany. I totally get your feeling, though, Switzerland is a nice but quiet spot. Whenever you feel you need some more bustle, you may consider going to Berlin for a day or a weekend? It may feel more lively and international there. And when you get bored - I really love your products. You might consider opening a european branch, maybe? All the best!

Anonymous said...

Why don't you go and take classes such as workshops, language classes, creative classes, make and do? Don't they have those in Switzerland? Your kid already in school anyway. You can make new friends and still connect to the industry.

I lived abroad once and that's how I found myself again.

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