I Am Me

"Ah kamu mana bisa"

"Kamu itu ada-ada aja"

"Ngapain?"

These are the daily words I grew up with. Discouraging. Belittling. Dismissive.

I have always been made to feel as if I am impossible, I am weird, I am an unrealistic dreamer.

The truth is, these words left a big room of sadness inside me for a very long time. Today, the room is smaller, but still there. I managed to grow other rooms inside me that are filled with joy, passion, kindness, forgiveness and gratitude. I have enough. I am enough. But will I ever feel enough? That's still hard to overcome because of how I was conditioned.

The truth is, I am also stubborn. As much as I care about these words and the effect they have on me, I also don't care. When everyone around me doubted me, I never doubted myself. For some weird reason, my brain is wired in a way that enables me to live and move forward with lightness and love and a magical belief that I am great and I can do things if I want. 

I am possible. I am weird. I am a dreamer.

I have been misunderstood for so long and I no longer want to explain myself.