Next month, S and I will be celebrating our 5th anniversary. Has it been an easy ride? I don't think so. I don't even think marriage is a ride heheh.
I think, marriage is both a school and work for life. Like in school, you are expected to get good grades and keep graduating to the next level, only this time, the school is for a lifetime and there is no degree nor title besides "Mr." and "Mrs." for your whole life. And as a couple, you are both a student and a teacher. You learn from the other person, but at the same time, you must teach that other person to become better and to understand you more. The more you are together, the more surprising facts you will uncover and might not like. And it will keep on coming, and you will keep getting irritated until you beg to God to give you more strength so you can continue to teach the other person to change.
And like work, marriage can be full of passion, but it can also be tiring, exhausting, frustrating, especially when you feel that your work is 24/7 and you're not getting any holidays. In a marriage, you are building a home together, and by home, you actually have to do all kinds of chores on a regular basis. You do double the laundry, you wash double the dishes, you cook for two, you fix a lot of pipes, and even when you have someone else to do these things, you would need to work some more to afford it.
But both school and work can be just as enjoyable as it is frustrating at times. A lot of times, problems are shared, and you feel stronger and less vulnerable because you know you have someone's back. Life doesn't become so lonely because there's always someone to talk to. Your funny traits become someone else's entertainment and you feel happy because someone gets to see and laugh at your silly talents.
Because marriage is school and work, there will be exams and performance reviews, and therefore you would need to keep assessing yourself whether you are good enough for the other person. This will generate fear, but a good and healthy kind of fear that makes you stronger as a couple because you know that you might not pass and therefore will not take marriage for granted. You will realize that marriage requires effort, not merely love and lust.
Approaching our 5th anniversary, I have been asking S how he feels about it, and neither of us can answer. We just hug and look at each other and hug again. I take this as "I don't know and I don't care because all I know is that we'll be forever together". I keep reminding S that even though marriage is like school and work, we are not classmates who are competing against each other. Instead, we are team mates who will continue to work together.
It's funny how S and I were actually classmates and office colleagues though. It's either a coincidence or a sign that we were truly meant to be for each other. I believe in the latter. The universe really wanted us to be, and so we became.
I think, marriage is both a school and work for life. Like in school, you are expected to get good grades and keep graduating to the next level, only this time, the school is for a lifetime and there is no degree nor title besides "Mr." and "Mrs." for your whole life. And as a couple, you are both a student and a teacher. You learn from the other person, but at the same time, you must teach that other person to become better and to understand you more. The more you are together, the more surprising facts you will uncover and might not like. And it will keep on coming, and you will keep getting irritated until you beg to God to give you more strength so you can continue to teach the other person to change.
And like work, marriage can be full of passion, but it can also be tiring, exhausting, frustrating, especially when you feel that your work is 24/7 and you're not getting any holidays. In a marriage, you are building a home together, and by home, you actually have to do all kinds of chores on a regular basis. You do double the laundry, you wash double the dishes, you cook for two, you fix a lot of pipes, and even when you have someone else to do these things, you would need to work some more to afford it.
But both school and work can be just as enjoyable as it is frustrating at times. A lot of times, problems are shared, and you feel stronger and less vulnerable because you know you have someone's back. Life doesn't become so lonely because there's always someone to talk to. Your funny traits become someone else's entertainment and you feel happy because someone gets to see and laugh at your silly talents.
Because marriage is school and work, there will be exams and performance reviews, and therefore you would need to keep assessing yourself whether you are good enough for the other person. This will generate fear, but a good and healthy kind of fear that makes you stronger as a couple because you know that you might not pass and therefore will not take marriage for granted. You will realize that marriage requires effort, not merely love and lust.
Approaching our 5th anniversary, I have been asking S how he feels about it, and neither of us can answer. We just hug and look at each other and hug again. I take this as "I don't know and I don't care because all I know is that we'll be forever together". I keep reminding S that even though marriage is like school and work, we are not classmates who are competing against each other. Instead, we are team mates who will continue to work together.
It's funny how S and I were actually classmates and office colleagues though. It's either a coincidence or a sign that we were truly meant to be for each other. I believe in the latter. The universe really wanted us to be, and so we became.
5 comments:
Thank you for such an interesting insight about marriage. Me and my girlfriend are from two different countries. We have been going out for almost 3 years now. We got our ups and downs but still, the most important things, is like what you said, to never stop learning =)
Thank you for this perspective. How so true! :)
i love the way you write about your marriage, kak di. i wish you a wonderful journey ahead :)
"Your funny traits become someone else's entertainment and you feel happy because someone gets to see and laugh at your silly talents."
Always love your writing Diana! Wish you and S always happily ever after. Wish Allah blessed your family. :*
xoxo,
Fetty
this is really well written :)
wishing all the best for you and S and your little one :D
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