Wednesday, June 11, 2014

On Motherhood & The Unspoken War

One of the reasons why I don’t like going to a shared nursing room in a public place is that sometimes, some mothers get so nosy. I love chatting and sharing experiences with other moms, but “having a nice chat” and “having someone so nosy about you and your baby” is a totally different thing. I remember feeding my baby in Plaza Senayan’s nursing room, and next to me was another mother feeding her baby too. Being a room with another person, of course you tend to look at each other, and so I smiled.

And then came a question:

Her: “Are you feeding him breastmilk or formula?”
Me: “Hi. Oh, this is formula milk.”
Her: “Oh...why?”
Me: “Well, my baby and I had some struggles, and basically doctor recommended me to start mixing between breastmilk and formula milk.”
Her: “Oh..I see.”
Me: *smiles*
Her: “Well, I’m exclusively feeding my baby breastmilk.”
Me: “Good for you.”
Her: “Did you go for c-section? Or natural birth?”
Me: “Natural birth.”
Her: *nods*
Me: *smiles*
Her: “Do you use a babysitter?”
Me: “No, I don’t. Oh, I’m done btw. Nice meeting you. Bye.”
Her: “Bye.”

I exited the room and boy was I thinking..OH, MY, GOD. I felt like I just came out of an interrogation room.

From my personal observation, many mothers out there treat motherhood as a competition. But why? Every mother and every baby is unique. No one goes through the same thing. If you are one who is in a position where you need advice hence need to ask another mother, then ask. Asking and getting information from other mothers will definitely help you and even comfort you. But if you feel like you’re sort of doing good and want to brag about yourself, then you’re actually not a better person nor mom.

There is so much pressure out there that makes many mothers depressed and not enjoy motherhood. While actually, motherhood is beautiful. It’s magical. But then other people take that away from you for many reasons. I have met so many friends who actually give their babies formula milk (not exclusive breastmilk) but have to lie to people they meet just because they are afraid of getting judged.

I’m a new mom who is learning so many new things every day – and I love it. I will not let anyone judge me this or that just because they can. If anything, it is the doctors who I seek advice from. For those competing mothers, I hope you find peace in yourself and your motherhood journey.

Xoxo,
Diana

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

i continously following ur blog. not only to find happiness through your colorfull outfit..but ur words..the way u see thing through ur eyes and have ur own opinion about that...im not a mother yet..but really want to have my turn soon..thanks for sharing ur thought and experiences. xx

Arninta Puspitasari said...

feel you :') that's why akus elalu menahan diri unutk menyanyakan hal apapun sesintif apapun bahkan kepada sahabat sekalipun. untik mereka cerita sendiri ke aku, whic means memang mereaka sudah merasa nyaman. salam kenal tante diana dr kakak raya :) *foto kita atas bawah di booklet fimela kmr hehe

Anonymous said...

Right you are. You are so pretty, confident, wise and sympathetic. Don't let yourself be judged, I'm sure you're doing great an being a wonderful mom!

Deltanne said...

i really agree with you Di, "many mothers out there treat motherhood as a competition".
it also makes one of the reason why nowadays mothers always give some pressure to their child.
for the example in academic, some mothers will "encourage" their child to achieve high score, and being proud to the other mom, take it as a competition. but in the fact, that will makes some children stress.
so, it is good for you Di to not let anyone judge about your motherhood life.

anikanike said...

agree with you, Dianaaaa...
i've been in your position when nursing baby in nursing room in Mall, it's like nursing in Interogation Room...
i've been thereee...
i thought it is only me who feel that....
thanks for your sharing :)

felisyah lisa said...

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Anggi Lupitasari said...

Some people make life itself as a competition, and that's pointless. love your outfit btw!

xx



Unknown said...

Saya juga new mom di..dan ya itu hanya sebagian kecil dari yang akan banyak seperti itu, dengan topik yg beragam selanjutnya seperti makan home made atau instan,obat dokter atau herbal,pospak atau clodi dll..awalnya juga risih dan takut dikira salah ngasuh, tapi saya pikir ini akan terus berlanjut..jadi ya take it easy aja,do what you think is good for you,people will judge anyway..bales dengan senyuman dan jangan masukan hati ...masih banyak urusan lain yg perlu dipikirin :)

Unknown said...

Saya juga new mom di..dan ya itu hanya sebagian kecil dari yang akan banyak seperti itu, dengan topik yg beragam selanjutnya seperti makan home made atau instan,obat dokter atau herbal,pospak atau clodi dll..awalnya juga risih dan takut dikira salah ngasuh, tapi saya pikir ini akan terus berlanjut..jadi ya take it easy aja,do what you think is good for you,people will judge anyway..bales dengan senyuman dan jangan masukan hati ...masih banyak urusan lain yg perlu dipikirin :)

nadiya mustafa said...

ngakak baca post ini, tp saya juga pernah ngrasain kaya gt pas anak pertama, cuekin aja lha.. hihihii
tiap orang punya cara masing2 dlm ngurus bayinya

puty said...

I'm a silent reader of your blog, and even I've enjoyed your artwork since you were in deviantArt :) I'm not really a fan of your fashion sense but I definitely adore your thoughts, how bright & positive you are. You give your readers good spirit and heartwarming writing. I really like this one :) Have a great motherhood :D

Deacy said...

sudah gak terhitung rasanya saya ngerasa udah jadi failed mom karena judge2 kejam itu. thanx for your enlightening thought. like i want to hug you... :')

Dyah Agustine said...

Hear hear...
Btw, did she blurt out that question between saying hi first? How rude...

Unknown said...

Dear Mba Di,
Setelah sekian lama tdk mengikuti cerita di blog ini, saya baru saja membaca postingan ini yang membuat saya ingin segera menulis pesan ini, semoga Mba Di tidak keberatan membacanya.
I, my self, is a new mom too, and
Saya rasa our culture menganggap bahwa percakapan seperti itu seolah2 mengakrabkan. Tp yg terjadi malah sebaliknya. Tidak hanya sekali tentu saja saya diinterogasi semacam itu. Meskipun alhamdulillah sy diberi kepercayaan oleh Allah untuk bs memberikan ASI ekslusif utk putri saya,tp tdk jarang banyak yang memandang sinis karena saya adalah tipe orang yang tdk percaya mitos.
Itu yang membuat saya sering dipandang kurang wajar.
Those who compete on motherhood hanya tak tahu caranya bersyukur. Karena mereka dapat banyak jadi ingin menang terus.
Saya selalu mengagumi Mba Di, your baby, your house dan karya2 Mba Di. I think you are a great mother. Karena of course it is not easy to be a mother, blogger and owner oftwo big shoes companies. And you make it.
You are a great mother, Mba Di.
Semoga Shahmeer dan Mba Di selalu sehat dan diberikan keselamatan selalu.

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