Fly

I just finished reading this book and now everything, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g makes sense. I get it now. I understand. I was never crazy. I was right all along, and I feel seen, understood, and validated. I wasn't just a crazy woman "complaining" about things, seemingly so ungrateful albeit her truly blessed life. The void and emotional neglect I have endured my whole life, it wasn't "just me". I had every single reason to feel that way, and I was not delusional.

This healing journey was never intended to blame, shame or hate anyone, but instead, to allow myself to live with peace moving forward. I needed to understand what was going on inside of me, and it was a rather long, lonely discovery, with countless hours of therapy via any available online resource, and here I am today, taking my life back and winning.

I remember when I was in high school, my friend was dating an older guy who was a psychologist. We all hung out together one day. The next day, my friend told me, that her boyfriend told her, "I think Diana lacks attention and love from her family". As a high schooler, I had no idea what he was even saying. I just responded with a confused face and brushed it off. But I still remember that remark. I have no clue what gave it away to make him draw such a conclusion of me, but yes, he was right all along. 

Life isn't perfect. Nobody is perfect. But things can be improved and become better. I cannot control how others act, but I can control how I want to live my life today and tomorrow. I cannot change others, but I can change myself. I cannot change the past, but I can make a change by breaking the cycle.

Today I feel as light as a feather. Perhaps it is time to fly once again.