Monday, December 23, 2019

Finally 35


“Happyyyy birthhhhhhdaaaayyyy.. tooooooo... meeeeeeee...” 🥳🎶🥰

35 is a defining age for me personally, because I have always told myself that by the age of 35, I must be “very successful”. I don’t know whether I’ve accomplished that at all to be honest. And I guess, the definition of “success” itself has changed over time. When you’re young and single, you define success as your own individual success. When you have a partner, you want to reach success together; a shared success. When you have children, success is extended to theirs too. And so somehow, success becomes less and less “yours”, but more “ours”.

I turn 35 today and honestly this was not at all how I imagined 35 would be like. Today, I feel like I have lost so much ~ of the things I wish I can do freely ~ run wild, run wild ~ but probably it’s so I can gain so much more ~ together with my family, as I learn to run slower and find a speed that we all can walk together comfortably at. It’s also almost 6 years since I’ve become a mother, and everyday I am still learning how to actually become a mother. Am I motherly enough? Am I mother-material enough? I don’t know. I just try my best. I just hope my children will one day understand that a mother also self-doubts herself once in a while because nobody’s perfect. We are all God’s creatures trying to find our way and place in this world, and within that journey, it feels better when we simply hold hands.

This birthday letter for myself sounds rather sad, no? Maybe because I am, but a good kind of “sad”. The kind of sadness that comes from self-reflecting and realizing that there’s still so much more room to grow and soar high and you realize it’s only the beginning, and therefore you decide to turn that sadness into good energy.

Happy birthday, Diana. I love you for who you are. ✨

2 comments:

Endah April said...

Happy birthday kak D! I just read this post today.
Btw all images (tab button etc) on your blog are not available, all show photobucket icon.

Niken Widowaty said...

happy 35 dianaaa! wish you more joyful days to come!

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